Sometimes you just need to scream at the top of your lungs. And sometimes you need to do it for a long time.
There was a time in my life where I didn't believe in yelling. A time where I didn't think screaming to loose all the anger built up in your soul was a good idea. I used to think of it as, "a little much". To me it seemed immature and unwise. It seemed like something a teenager does when they don't know how to handle all the emotions they're feeling so they just yell because it's a great way to vent. It seemed really, really ridiculous.
And yes, I knew the story of Jesus flipping temple tables, and I'd read the verses where Jesus had multiple sentences with exclamation points on the end of them, but I just figured it was extremely rare circumstances under which only God would have the discernment to know when was a good time to, "let loose". What I hadn't read was all the verses about Jesus/God proclaiming victory in a very aggressive manner. I forgot about Paul saying God will CRUSH satan under your feet(Romans 16:20). I mean yes, I'd heard it in children's sunday songs, but it always seemed so happy and not like that would ever need to happen. No one told me in Sunday school about spiritual warfare and the sometimes overwhelming strength of temptation.
No one told me about the times where I would feel defeated and like I was nothing but a victim of sin hoping for some help from God. No one told me that in those moments I would need to remind myself that not only am I a precious child of God, but I am also a mighty soldier of Christ, MADE mighty by Him and His Spirit.
I'd heard the phrase, "soldier of Christ" before. And I'd read all the stories about warriors in the old testament fighting valiantly for God, but never once had I made the connection(or had it made for me) that there are times in our walk with God that we need to take the stance of a warrior. The spiritual world is not fake, and it's not some flowery fairy land where the good sprites fight the bad sprites. It's fully real, and the enemy is VERY real. God will always be bigger and stronger, but I think if we look at the reality of the world today, we see that the enemy is not to be taken lightly. Ever.
Sometimes it takes a lot more than a friendly prayer and a helping hand to spread the kingdom. Sometimes we encounter very real, very serious battles, and the only way to win them is get into a battleground mentality.
There's all kinds of situations where this applies, but right now I am speaking specifically into the area of personal temptation. All too often--almost all the time--I think we as Christians take the passive stance of being, 'victims' of temptation and sin. And to a certain degree I think we are right. Right up until the point where we encounter God, we are victims of temptation and sin. We are victims because we haven't yet been told the truth.
But when we find out the truth, I believe there needs to be a serious momentum shift, and there needs to be a serious identity shift. When we are told the truth, we are told that we are no longer victims, but we are children of God made whole and strong by His Spirit. We are told that Jesus Christ is Sovereign Lord over all things. The enemy has no more power, only pathetic tricks--still very real tricks--but they have no more hold on our life.
If this is the truth--and if we confess it as the truth--then why do we continue to let ourselves suffer and feel oppressed by temptation and the enemy? Why do we not take ownership of this truth, and proclaim it over every aspect of our lives where the enemy continues to try and hold us down?
As a guy, I've had my struggles with pornography/masturbation. And I think that pretty much every guy would be lying if he told you he hadn't. Porn was a battle I struggled with in high school, but God gave me the grace to conquer it over two years ago. It was surprisingly easy to let go in comparison to many testimonies I have heard over my life, but I choose not to question why and simply thank God that He gave me that freedom.
Masturbation, on the other hand, was an incredible struggle. I know there are many people who are on the fence as to whether or not masturbation is even a sin, but through my own personal journey/experience in life, I have come to see it as such and treat it as such.
Masturbation stayed with me and hung over me like a thick, black cloud for a very, very long time even after kicking porn out the door. I used to have horrible moments of feeling like a huge failure and like I couldn't control what was happening anymore. I felt like a perpetual victim. The enemy seemed to hard to defeat for me. And then I hit an all time low.
I was doing good: I hadn't masturbated in a while and felt like I was going to pull through it for real this time(as I had felt every week for the past as-long-as-I-could-remember). Then it happened twice in one day, and I lost it. Something in me got very fed up and angry. Usually I would get in a mopy and depressed mood and pray a sad little prayer to God about how much life sucks, but this time I got angry. I asked God why I was letting this continue to happen, and He asked me the exact same question. In about 30 seconds, I wrote a page and a half proclamation against the enemy and against my addiction to masturbation. I read the proclamation out loud, resolved to write down every single day for the rest of my life how long it had been since I last masturbated(just to rub that fact in the enemies face), and then blasted the song, "Down" by Thousand Foot Krutch and screamed the chorus at the top of my lungs. I was fired up. I was aggressive. I was in the mindset of a warrior.
It has been 100 days since that day. There have definitely been moments of serious struggle along the way, but instead of thinking, "oh crap, help me God" as I used to think, I instead say, "F*ck off, satan, you have no business here and you will not win this battle". I don't worry about what the outcome of that moment will be because I already know. Christ has already won, and He is the most powerful being in existence, AND He's the King of my team. The enemy has nothing on that.
Jesus has given us authority over all things of the earth, and that includes all earthly temptations. Grab hold of that authority with a powerful roar and don't let go for anyone. We are definitely precious children of God, but we are also mighty soldiers of Christ. Stand up. Wipe the dirt off your shoulder, and spit in the enemies' face. Jesus is standing right behind you, and the devil himself trembles in his boots around The King.
We are not Victims. We are victors. Give your battle cry.
Scream at the top of your lungs.
